101 Rules For History Class
by Teal Tribbles
Summary: A list of rules and regulations for any and all Hetalians to follow in history class. Co-written in a joint account by D12T and Teal Phoenix.


1. When the teacher walks in, if he's albino do not ask if he has a bird named Gilbird.

2. No matter how awesome he is.

3. not even if he goes 'kesesese.'

4. Never say that Ukraine has 'bountiful lands.'

5. Don't elaborate on what that means.

6. Don't reference Capital Cities as Vital Regions.

7. Do not laugh when a country seizes another country's capital city.

8. Not even if France is doing the seizing.

9. Don't ask why Hungary's soldiers aren't trained in the art of Frying Pan-Fu.

10. When talking about China, never end sentences with 'Aru'...aru...

11. Don't offer to become one with Russia, even if you feel sorry for him.

12. Don't talk bad about Russia when discussing Belarus.

13. She will find out.

14. Don't list "Sealand was born" as a pro of WWII.

15. Or Germany/Italy.

16. Don't list 'sexual tension' as a cause of the Cold War.

17. Or the 100 Years War.

18. Or any war for that matter.

19. No yelling out 'Threesome!' when talking about the Axis.

20. This also applies to calling out 'Orgy' for the Allies.

21. No calling Canada "Who?"

22. Don't refer to Ancient Rome as Grandpa Rome.

23. Don't refer to Frenchmen as 'cheese-eating surrender monkeys."

24. Never say Prussia will rise again.

25. Even if it's totally true.

26. Don't refer to your classmates as the countries that they're most like.

27. Never say "War isn't funny, it's hilarious!"

28. Never say that England was sexy when supporting pirating.

29. Seriously.

30. People WILL ask.

31. Don't call England Iggy.

32. Don't start chanting England's summoning chant when someone pisses you off.

33. No declaring the 'British Curse of Food, and Bad Tea' either.

34. Don't burst out into a chant of "kolkolkol" when your teacher irritates you.

35. Don't cry out 'VODKA!' when you get an 'A' on a Russian history test.

36. This is acceptable if it's a 100% though.

37. Don't complain to your teacher Sealand is a country, they can't do anything about it.

38. When your teacher asks where the major battles of WWII took place, don't say 'on a deserted Island.'

39. And don't say the weapon that won WWII was a wok.

40. Do not say that the A Bombs being dropped on Japan was America's way of flirting.

41. Don't call France the king of propaganda.

42. When told that Queen Elizabeth said she was married to England, do not go 'bow chika bow wow.'

43. Do not cry when a country is dissolved.

44. Even if it's HRE.

45. Don't say 'but what about Chibitalia?' when dicussing the Renaissance.

46. Don't take a Sharpie to the map to add Sealand.

47. Don't say Belarus wants to marry Russia.

48. Don't draw the flow chart of 'world affairs vaguely explained' on the board.

49. Not even if it's better than the textbook.

50. Which we all know it is.

51. When discussing the Polish army, don't start going on a rant about his ponies.

52. Don't say England was the only sane member of the Allies.

53. Do not use the web comic as a source for your research paper.

54. Don't say German military training against Britain involved preparing against bastard children and Englishmen dressed for carnival while swishing their hips.

55. When saying the pledge to the flag don't replace 'The United States of America' with 'Alfred F. Jones.'

56. Don't say that Canada and America are England's and France's lovechildren.

57. Even if you know they are.

58. Don't use the overhead projector to show how HRE IS Germany geographically.

59. Don't ask what Russia did to Prussia during the whole thing with the Berlin wall.

60. Don't ask what would of happened if Italy had joined the Holy Roman Empire.

61. If asked the above question, the appropriate response is not 'the cutest couple EVAR.'

62. Don't say that the President lives on Hamburger Street.

63. Don't call America a hero.

64. Even though he is.

65. Don't call countries by their Hetalia counterpart's human names.

66. Do not say you feel sorry for England after the American revolution.

67. The appropriate response to 'What was Germania' is NOT 'Grandpa Rome's lover.'

68. Don't make fun of the Italian military, even though it sort of deserves to be made fun of.

69. Making pasta in the desert is not an excuse for why you were late to class.

70. Don't refer to countries as he or she.

71. Don't use Italy's Germany song for extra credit.

72. Or as background music to your presentation.

73. Don't write your end of term paper on why Sealand IS a country.

74. Don't say that France is married to England because of the new defense treaty.

75. They've been married since the Suez canal anyhow.

76. Don't say the EU is an excuse for all of Europe being kinky.

77. Don't use MKC as the benchmark for how good a country is.

78. Don't say French Athletes showed up to the first Olympics naked.

79. Don't say the French Athletes tried to strip the English athletes at the first Olympics.

80. Don't say Alaska is Russia and America's lovechild.

81. The Alaskan Purchase was not resolving custody rights.

82. Don't claim that Switzerland and Liechtenstein will survive the Apocalypse because of their neutrality.

83. Don't threaten to beat someone with Switzerland's peace prize.

84. Don't say that the answer to global warming is building a hero to save the world.

85. Same for PASTAAAAAA!

86. If you have a class discussion, don't call it a World Conference.

87. Never call Germany a saint.

88. If someone mentions Gemania, calling it 'Legolas' is unacceptable.

89. Don't say in hell the cooks are British.

90. Breaking out into Grandpa Rome's song when asked why German police officers brought fear to people in WWII is in bad taste.

91. Don't call Spain a pedophile.

92. Even though he is.

93. Don't call Austria a freeloader.

94. Don't say that Sweden and Finland were married.

95. Don't call the US states, 'Alfredbabies.'

96. Countries don't have relationships, don't say any are married.

97. Don't draw ANYONE on your test question book.

98. During a test, don't put your name as 'The Awesome Prussia.'

99. Don't refer to carrier pigeons as 'Gilbirds' and 'Pierres.'

100. DO take this seriously, it is important.

101. Screw 100.

* * *

Actually doing any of the above and telling us about it will win you virtual cookies (but we can't be held responsible for the repercussions of your actions). Done randomly on a whim one night in Chat. We don't own Hetalia. :)


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